Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
