Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
