I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
