I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
