do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
