the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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