After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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