bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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