Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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