My first STD was from a foam party
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
