tell your sister to shave her snatch
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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