Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
