Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
