You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
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but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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