everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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