I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize