is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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