okay pat passed out under dana's car
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
