I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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