he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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