official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
