Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
