i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
