It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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