right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
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Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
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I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
so much tequila, so little girl.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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