i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
