Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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