Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
