this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
