You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
