Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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