i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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