how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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