Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
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Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
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it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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