dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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