I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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