could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize