it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
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then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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