So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
