i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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