I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
