is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
