Pappa wants mamma naked
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
