There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
