I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
