if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am one with the molecules
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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