I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
