Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
