I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
