Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
