Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize