Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
