my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
