stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
