I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
