I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
