I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
