I want to walk on stilts...naked
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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