i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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