her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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