Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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