I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
