I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
