jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
