You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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