I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
