i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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