This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
